the sidekick's of women's employment

Yesterday i went out to for some drinks with my former study project colleaugus...it was practically a girls night out. We had agreat time, and we talked about how time flies since our studies are nearly finished. But at some point i had to laught aloud (in my head)...my colleauges are some years older than me, most of them around 30, and by chance, fate or accident (or whatever) all single. So we talked a bit about single life, and we were quite proud about our independence...we are rebels, do-ers, confident, emancipated women who take fate into their own hands...blabla...but then, of cause, we knew that we are missing out. But what was so funny was how my colleauges imagiend life with a boyfriend...they were talking about how they would come home after work, and their partner would ask how they were feeling, giving them a kiss, the dinner ready and a warm, realxing bath drawn....ha! I mean honestly, that is so delusional! Which guy would actually be like that? (i'm not sexist, but realistic)Prince charming? (and we all know he is long since dead)I wonder if thats why we all were still single, are our expectations to high? Can we not make compromise's and go for the second best beacuse the best will never happen? ...I thik i have to stop rambling.

it's so beautiful...calm and passionate at the same time

New Year's Resolutions.

Stop taking everythig people say to me to heart.
Stop wasting money on exotic underwear since it's pointless (no boyfriend).
Cut down on exercise. Too much is bad for your health, it can even kill you!
Not sitting in the house all days in pajamas, sulking. No sulking with ice cream and chocolate.
Stop swearing at horrible drivers.
Stop making lists in my head of how to hide a dead body or how to survive a plane crash.
Fall in love....somehow....with somebody nice.....who also likes me. That should be a first.
Hand in my Bachelor Thesis and my Master of Arts application on time.
Actually attend my university seminars.
Try to stop spending so much money on books.
Apply for an job and the get the job.
Grow up, get some self esteem, start to love my self and try to act mature and professional while in university.

Merry Christmas!!!

Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong? Jane Austen

Hello dear esteemed readers and apressiated friends!
it's christmas time! well not yet really, but pretty soon! i do not have a very "chrismassy" anticipation this year...it might have to do something with the fact that i thought i would be nearly finished with my bachelor thesis by st. niclas day (6yh of decembre)....well i propably will not. i have still 7 books to read in the coming 3 days...it is possible. today i just read 5 books (not from the beginning to the end...just the important bits) and now my head hurts! so then i started to decorate my flat with my christmas decoration...well, lets wait for the "spirit of christmas" to arrive at my doorstep! maybe 7 books later :)

whahha... last saturday i did the first part of my study project with the elderly people...it was quite good. we sang and talked and had a jolly good time...and they found a song to which they can tell a story...some of them even 2! of cause they had to talk about the second worldwar again , well, if you work with old people and you want to talk about their youth...be prepared to listen to wartime storys...even if all you wanted was to talk about the radio! oh, and we also talked about premature sex...gosh it was not easy to stop them when they start to complain about todays youth..."your generation (meaning ours) is full of sinners and law breakers without morals" (and theirs is not?!). anyways, next time, on the 5th of decembre, we will record the storys, cut them and put them on a cd with the according song for the senior's...with a nice cover for the cd's includet!

oh, i also have triible news...well it's not so bad, but i'm still angry! last week my seminar group and i wanted to go to look at a facility in bamberg for elderly people...well, since the prof who organized the trip changed the time 2 days befoer we went, and since i did not check my mails, i missed the train. now, i was not the only one who did not go, one other girl "did not feel like it" cause she wanted to sleep. so now, the prof was really angry and punished us (please, arn't we all adults here?!) to do a presentation (30 minutes) about living independently when your getting old. as some of you might know...the one thing i'm really afraid of is speaking in front of a group of people. so i'm really not happy with this. but anyways, i started to get information out of the internet, when a friend of mine (with whom i do the other projekt) calls me, telling me the one girl which also did not go to bamberg complained by the prof and discussed with him until she only has to talk 15 minutes...she also will not put any effort in it. and then she and her friend started talking really bad about me...like i missed the train deliberately, and i would be so lazy, never going to the seminars, i would not be reliable, etc.. wehn my freind told me that, i got soooo angry!(still am) how dare the talk bad about me behind my back and infront of a prof noe the less! i did go to more seminars then them this semester (we only have 2!) and i drove to university in the rain, with a cold, only to be told they already left for bamberg...its not like i didnt want to go. this sounds bad now but i guess they also were a bit jealous because i got really good grades last semester, better then they got themselfes. but telling around because of that i would not be reliable and lazy! how do they know i'm not reliable when they never did a groupwork with me? i'm mean they never even really talked to me, they dont even know me. AHHH! well, i will not whine to my prof about the 30 min...i will do my best! i will show them all! uahahahahha! but i still sleep bad because of the talking in front of people thing...:(

yaii! my first christmas prestent! and yes, i buy them all myself (ut my parents give me the money)

i dont think at the moment that i can love anybody. i just want to be loved.

wuahahhaha! i jsut watched 2 days non stop NANA (it's an anime) and i cannot belive that it is ending all bad! why does it have to be realistic?! couldnt they write a warning in the description of the anime? i mean honestly, live is already hard enought, you could cut a little slack and let at least have the anime people have a happy ending! i feel so down...the one nana loves this guy, but is together with the other, who dies in an car accident, but she and the guy she actually loves will not come together because he is first the friend of the guy who dies, and then the other nana (there are 2 in the anime) comes to tokyo because of her boyfriend, and he cheats on her, and then she is seduced by the "not good for anything but making money" music idol guy, and then she breaks it up, gets together with her real love, but ends up knocked up and marrys the rich music guy because her real love is to unsure what to do, but she needs the money to raise a child...and now she is married to a playboy who cheats on her! ahahhahahha! why cannot at least one of the person in this anime end up happy?!?! and i did not even mention the one guy who is 15 and prostituets himself because he has no home because her mother killed herself after he was born because he was not the son of her husband....and now he belives that he will never find somebody who loves him ...this is to real for me. and now dont you people make fun of me cause i'm so depressed about an anime...i did not speak since 6 days to any living person (mmm...in which movie is this boy who says "i can see dead people"...?), beacuse i'm stuck with my books for my bachelor thesis......if you now roll your eyes at me, you are not better than those pople who make jokes about other people when they are sad because their pet died! be a bit empathetic!

my stalker contacted me

The village my parents live in, Ellefeld (which is still my principal residence...although i live 5 days a week in Nürnberg) celebrated it's 550 founding year on sunday. While Ellefld is only inhabited by...i guess 2500 jolly old souls, there had to be a week of celebrations, ghastful flok musik and of cause a real big pageant...with over 250 participating people. As part of the methodist brass band i sat on a truck and drove around the village (and i did feel a bit silly, being gawked on for 1 hour).

it was really cold for autumn...and it started to snow the next day.

So i also went to ikea to buy some now bookshelves for all the books i bought already this year. since the bookshelves were a bit bigger than i thought, my couch is now standing in the missle of the room...it's a bit cramped now, but i still like it.

Yesterday was a good day, i felt quite pretty, so i went shopping. this is the result of the hunt: (kind of fancy clothes...but hey, i'm gonne turn 24 in february...i need to dress more mature!)

And now some thing which is on my mind a lot, and i dont know what to do : my stalker contacted me. for those of you who dont know: when i did my internship in canada (6 months in 2007/08) i had a stalker. it was is the son of my employee, and he has some mental disorder and needs to take medicine because of it. The problem was that in canada, i lived with the kids in the youth centre, far away from civilization, and i did not have a car. the village was very small, so people knew about each other a lot. so the son of my employee was quite in the power position, since he had a car (my only way to "get out" of there...the wor was not easy) and he also was able to check my email (he was quite skilled with the computer) and so on...he always knew where i was, whom i had been talking to, and so on.He loved to play mind games...for example if i needed a lift to the supermarked, i had to beg him to drive me, or he wanted something in exchange). he was actually a nice guy, but his stalking was a bit to much...he did not understand that i just wanted to be friends. anyways, he contacted me 2 days ago via email (i dont know how he got mine) asking to be friends again on facebok...yadayada (after i wnt back to germany i cut all ties to him)...so now i dont know what to do...be friend with him (he is far away and maybe got over his crush) or should i not reply?!?! what do you people think?