Von drauß vom Walde komm' ich her; Ich muss euch sagen, es weihnachtet sehr!

An all-time-consuming-mad-christmascrafting-mood got into me...i really don't want to write those essays about musical terminal care in the hospice...so i try to distract myself . The fruits of my joyful labour are:
this advent calender...quite cheesy, or lets say: nostalgic.

it started to snow yesterday :)

my cat schnoupieboupie (i know it is a crazy name, but she likes it) also tried to distract me from writing the essay...shes evil...

another result of the crafting mood: a new mp3 case

i started to play christmassongs on the piano...i tryed...but who cares about the sound (exept my neighbours) if the joy is in my heart?!

this afternoon my family and i went out for a walk

a new christmas wreath...the christmas crafting mood takes no end...

i started to craft now christmas presents, and i will try to make them all by myself this year...since i found tgis great crafting page, i got loads of inspiration!

http://www.sewmamasew.com/blog2/

In the last time i really think a lot about the friendships i have, and about myself and how i want people to see me....mybe a bit too much, because often i don't write to my friends how i really feel, cause i don't want to let them think i would be weak or boring, which is bad, beacuse it is not one of the great gifts of god to have friends and to share with them your problems?! We life in a harsh world, and sometimes i forget to remember that jeses loves me, no matter what, i forget that i'm special and individual, i just become this person who i'm not. This person is the person people expect me to be in this world, this human made world, but she is not real.

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular.

The greatest joy is the joy of anticipation

I'm sittig in my parents kitchen, and i'm secretly listening to christmas music, which is strictly forbidden in my family before the 1 advent. This year i'm so exited for advent and christmas...just imagine a hyper 5 year old on christmas eve...that's me.(not only one evening, but the whole decembre and half of november)

Here are some pictures from me movig last friday...it was quite exhausting, but i got a lot of help. We worked the whole friday, we started at 10am and finished at 9pm. I had muscle ache for 3 days. i looked like an old granny, when i was going down the stairs.

here are 2 pictures i painted for my new flat:

This is my copie of a self-portrait of Frida Kahlo.

You cannot always have happiness, but you can always give happiness.~ Unknown

Hey, look at that, i got new glasses. And let's be honest, i feel a bit more ugly with them. Some say i look now like a teatcher, and i don't know yet if that is a good or bad thing. I never really liked my teatchers in highschool. They often told me i was not good enought for this or that.And when i gave them a wrong answer, they rolled their eyes.

I sometimes watch a tv show, which really puts the things i feel in words, in a nice, lyrical way. I think i will quote more often some of the things they say :)

"I've heard that it’s possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never give up hope.
After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here’s what I've decided. There's no such thing as a grown-up. We move out, we move away from our families. But the basic insecurities, the fears and all the old wounds just grow up with us. Just when you think life has forced you to truly become an adult, your mother says something like that. We get bigger, taller, older. But, for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in."

raindrops keep falling on my head.

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the *. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, and denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world, head on, guns blazing... Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it? The key to surviving in the growen up world is denial. We deny we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth... right in front of our faces.

What we see depends mainly on what we look for~John Lubbock

Life is hard at the moment, and im really fed up with the sentence "crisis as opportunity". I know that god gives us strength according to our challenges, but i think he forgot to give me some in the last months. Strength i mean, not challenges, because of that i have plenty. My studies are so demanding at the moment, and because i already had the bad internship, the bad christmas, the bad summer and the bad last summer term, not to forget the bad summerholiday (exept my finland holiday of cause :)) i cannnot bear all the study pressure i might have if i would not also have to move to my new flat, and search for a job and so on.so the last weeks, i just skipped half of my lectures, not very smart i know, because now i have even more work because i have to read over my friends lecture notes and i have to read the recommend books...which are to many. And actually i should also write3 essays at the moment.....oh sweet ignorance. Maybe things will change when i moved into the new flat, which is just 10 minutes away by feet from my university. I just picked up the keys and payed the first rent and caution money yesterday. Now i jsut need to find a new roomie...but let´s face this when i', already settled in. But that is enought complaining for today- but maybe you know that feeling, if you have just a series of crises and failings, you start to enjoy selfpity, and even little problems become big because you feel so alone and helpless.
Anyways, í painted (or better say i copied) a self-portrait of Frida Kahlo which she painted in 1926. It is a bit dark and twisted, but i like it, even if my copy of it does not really look like Frida. Maybe i will put a picture of it online on the weekend.

Those pics are shot by a photographer from sanfran, cindy aka cinnamon, i always enjoy lokking at her photostream, her pictures speak to me.

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it

Hello everyone,
good news: i finally found a new flat! It is not exactly the flat i wanted, but i'm just sooo fed up with the actual process of searching....i'm not that picky anymore. I searched now for 3.5 weeks...i looked at about 19 flats...called much more landlords, and was sooo often lied to, or i waited to 40 minutes in front of a flat just to be told that the flat is already given away :( and 3 times i wanted to rent one, was ready to sign the contract, went to the housing office,but then i could not rent it because there was a misunderstanding or something....ugh! Anyways, now i got a flat, one which some of my friends live in at the moment. They will move to canada in 2 weeks. the flat has 3 rooms, and is a bit to expensive for me, so i will have to get another roomie,besides my brother. So you all can pray that i will get a nice, preferential christian roommate. The next big thing will be moving all my stuff, including my kitchen, sofas, bedroom furniture and livingroom furniture to my new flat. Hopefully i will find some helpers. I will show you some pics when i moved in and when everything will look homely.

Wish for nothing larger than your own small heart~ Alice Walker

I bought a littel cabinet in Finland , and since i got a bit addivted to Matrjoschkas, i decided to paint the cabinet the russian folk style. And because i got into the mood, i also depainted a mirrow.






I still do not know where i will live in 1.5 months, when i have to move out of my current flat, and how i will manage to move out on my own, with no money for furniture remover, let's just hope all will turn out well. This is what i do for some time now, i bury my head in the sand and hope everything will turn out well. Anyways, i'm dissapointed that it does not.